boy, am i glad i'm not a duck...

I found out why Trouble Duck keeps getting his ass kicked. He's a she. And they're not beating her up; they're raping her. I witnessed it today. Twice.

I took her down to the creek to swim, and she eagerly and immediately swam over to my other ducks. Kind of a stupid move on her part, but for the last couple of weeks, she hasn't really wanted my company. She's wanted theirs.

She got her wish in more ways than one.

Two of my big males (a pekin and a mallard) took turns grabbing her by the neck and climbing on. Needless to say, she didn't appreciate it. So after I chased them away, she stayed with me again. She wouldn't follow me back up to the house though. I didn't feel like chasing her, so I left her down by the creek. I figure she has to get used to it at some point, and I'm tired of babying her.

Well, about a half hour later, I went outside to check on her. I heard horrified quacking, saw rustling in the bushes at the back of the property, and then a few moments later, it got quiet and my big white male pekin came walking out all pleased with himself. Then the male mallard strolled into the bushes and the quacking resumed in earnest. They both came out a minute or two later, and she's beat up again. Not as badly, but they got her eye again.

She's back to following me everywhere. Their mating season lasts all summer, apparently. Poor Trouble Duck.

man, this is a lot of work!

Drama at work today. Drama at work tomorrow. It took me a few months to become 'friends' with the people I work with (in that we now hang out outside of work), and I kind of wish I hadn't bothered. Drama everywhere because everyone there just has to talk about everyone else behind their backs. Blaaaaaaah.

Anyways, Loose Yarns is going strong. This is the third day I've been taking submissions, and I've already gotten 24 of them. (Rejected twelve, accepted two, still considering the other ten.) I wanted to do this all by myself, but considering the volume of submissions, I may just have to take on an editorial staff.

Any volunteers? Hehe.

I've already gotten a bitchy email from one such submitter though. See, I want to send a few lines of feedback about the stories I'm rejecting. I'm rather familiar with form rejections myself (having gotten ... ohhh... fifty or more), and while they're convenient for the editor, they don't help the author any.

In response to one story, I replied thus:

I felt the writing was a little lazy--you used too many adverbs where you could have, with a little extra thought, illustrated them better with stronger action verbs, similes, or different methods of description. Also, I found the story to be a little to pat and predictable. The idea that the MC's grandma's dog shows up all of a sudden for unknown reasons is a good one, but then it turned out to be a little too Lassie-esque for my liking. And the reincarnation of Prince at the end was a little over the top, too pat so to speak.

He didn't care for my opinion, so he sent me this:

As an editor, there was no constructive purpose in your reply. I found your comments pompous and insulting, A form reply would have been enough.

After reading this, I added an extra line to my submissions guidelines.

Also, please note that our feedback on rejections will be constructive criticism. We will never seek to insult you or your writing; we'll simply tell you the reasons it didn't work for us. If you feel you are unable to receive such feedback without sending us whiny emails in return, please refrain from submitting.

And I also sent this in the author in question:

As an editor, you should understand the purpose of constructive criticism. Form rejections don't help the author improve their writing, as you well know. You're free to ignore my comments on your story if you feel they're in the wrong. Either way, I wish you the best of luck with your writing.

Some people are just so damn touchy. I see it all the time on WF.com. They post a story for critique, and then bitch at everyone who dares say the piece is anything less than perfect.

Still though, I'm enjoying this quite a bit. I'm sure months down the line I may be whining about all the work, but right now it's freaking awesome, even if I've only accepted one story and one poem. Each of them are so good, they've made reading the myriad average and poor submissions worthwhile.

it's aliiiiiiiiive!

I've spent the last year or so working with the wonderful staff at Oddville to produce a literary e-zine from scratch. We advertised, we accepted submissions, we rejected them too, and we finally took everything we liked and turned it into a finished product. I think it's a really awesome process.

So awesome, in fact, that I recently decided to start my own. Call it a power-trip if you will, but I wanted to be in control of what stories were published. At Oddville, because everyone has their own likes and dislikes, we've rejected stories I've adored and we've accepted stories I've thought were atrocious. That's just the way it goes, and I'm sure each and every staff member at Oddville can say the same thing.

Now, having stumbled through HTML/CSS, I bought a domain, bought hosting, and created my very own (and very first website). Better than that, Duotrope finally accepted my listing, and I'm not getting submissions. (In fact, I just got another one sometime in the middle of typing the previous paragraph!)

So, ladies and gents, feast your eyes on my cool, new literary magazine Loose Yarns!

Wii Fit kicked my ass

It's fun, it's insulting, and it kicked my ass. First you set it up, enter your birth date and your height. Then it weighs you and calculates your BMI. Then, if you're overweight, it makes your Mii (virtual representation of you) fat. (My Mii is fat. I found that more amusing than insulting though.) Then it tells you your 'Wii Fit age' or something like that. Apparently I'm 35. That was a little insulting. Still funny though.

After all that, you can start playing around. I figured I'd just do them in order, so I did yoga and strength training. I have really poor balance on my right foot ever since I broke that ankle, and my virtual personal trainer told me that balance is not my forte. I did pretty good on the yoga though, except for the tree pose.



Again with that damn right leg. I didn't do all that much better with my left leg either though. But I didn't fall over! I can say that much, at least!

So then strength training. I did really good (as in, perfect or close to it) on all of those except one.

Have I mentioned I can't do push-ups? Yeah. I can't.

See, you get scores out of 100 for your performance. Lunges, jackknifes, abdominal twists--I got 100s on each of those. Push-ups... 65, baby! What's worse is that I was even doing girly push-ups, and I still sucked. 'You could have done a little better on that one!' my virtual trainer said. *sigh*

I'm SO going to feel this tomorrow...

i fucking hate ducks!

So... a couple days ago, Trouble Duck got his ass kicked. Badly. See, I let him out in the morning and then left (for adventure described in the previous post). When I got home, dad told me that Trouble had been playing with the other ducks all day. I didn't see him when I looked out the window though, so I went outside to check.

When I found him, he was covered in blood, and one of the other ducks was sitting on top of him, pecking at his face.

In return, I pegged the attacking duck in the face with a sizable rock, thereby rescuing my Trouble Duck. He was missing most of the feathers on his back and head, and one eye is (I believe) permanently damaged. It's swollen completely shut and covered with disgusting looking puss.

He's been in quarantine for the last couple of days, but today, I finally let him go outside again. This time, he was confined to his pen though.

That didn't stop the sadistic ducks from hell, however. I don't know how they did it--they can't fly--but when I went out to get Trouble Duck this evening, his head was all bloody again.

If those little fuckers keep this shit up, they're going to become dinner.

and i used to be afraid of needles... ha!

Well, it's only five o'clock, but already my day has been eventful. Not in a good way either. See, I had a doctor's appointment for one o'clock for a skin-allergen test. Basically, they wanted to inject different allergens under my skin to see how much of a reaction there'd be, so they could decide how to treat me.

The doctor's office was a half hour away in a place called Sharon, but I left an hour early because I knew I'd get lost. I always get lost when I drive some place new, so I plan for it.

I didn't plan enough.

For once, I didn't actually get 'lost'. I followed the directions my dad gave me and found the place with relative ease. It just happened to be the wrong place. So I went inside and asked how to get to Dr. Wassil's office.

No one had a clue, but that was OK because I still had a half hour to make it. So, the nice woman behind the desk googled Dr. Wassil for me, found the address, and then mapquested it. Then she sent me on my merry way.

A half hour later, I was lost in suburbia hell. Her directions took me to Dr. Wassil's HOUSE, for Christ's sake. Not his office--his fucking house! I was lost in suburbia hell for about 45 minutes because every road that led back to the highway was a one way street. During this time, I dubbed "Do Not Enter" signs "Fuck You" signs.

Around 1:30, I managed to break a few laws and get back on the highway. I was going home. The hell with that crap.

Halfway home, dad called. Apparently, Dr. Wassil's office had called him at home and asked where I was. So he gave me the number and I got new directions. Sure, I was an hour late by the time I made it there, but the point is I did indeed make it.

Then I spent the next two hours having about fifty needles filled with highly concentrated itchiness shoved into both my upper arms. Fittingly enough, the wall opposite where I sat had a sketch of a hand clutching something that looked like a railing. If there'd been a railing nearby, I would have been clutching it. As I've said I don't know how many times now, I don't do itchy.

One of the nurses kept walking in and examining the massive hives on my arms and saying, "Those look good. Very, very good."

Seriously, what the hell? Good? I think not.

Anyways, it turns out -- and this is just so wonderful -- I'm extremely, massively, hugely allergic to ... drumroll please ... rabbits, birds, grass, and dust.

Pop quiz, which two animals sleep in my room? Bingo!

I'm also very allergic (but not extremely, massively, hugely allergic) to mold, cats, trees, and weeds. In fact, about the only things I'm not allergic to are dogs and cotton. Thank god for small miracles, right? Pssht.

Now, here's the icing on the cake, after today's wonderful visit to the allergist, I have another doctor's appointment tomorrow. With the female doctor. I get to have my cervix prodded.

This is just a great week.

they're after me lucky charms!

Another good day to put a smile on my face. Gorgeous guys with long hair can strike up a conversation with me any day and it'll then be a good day. Not only that, but this particular gorgeous guy actually has similar interests! And so far doesn't find me completely retarded! Lol.

Not only that, but Trouble and I went swimming again today, only this time in the creek. He's not entirely comfortable with that yet, but that just means more practice is necessary. Truth to tell, I'm starting to get worried that he won't want to join the rest of my ducks when the time comes but will instead prefer to continue following me everywhere. Not that I don't find that adorable, but it's kind of a pain in the butt to have to have spent an obscene amount of money on what basically amounts to a bag of corn waste products to use as bedding for my rabbit, and then still have to use pine (which I'm quite allergic to) for the duck. Why? Because the duck is a hell of a lot messier than the rabbit and I don't want to waste the hideously expensive corn cob.

So I'm back to not being able to breathe again, but hey, the duck's happy.

Anyways, in other freaking good news, the Pittsburgh Penguins won the Stanley Cup this year! Woohoo! It would figure that I'd wait until the last two games of the final to realize just how awesome hockey actually is. Now I have to wait till next season to really enjoy it.

Last but not least, I was off today, which means it goes against the laws of physics for any type of weather except rain. But that's okay because I happened to glance out the window a couple hours ago and saw sunlight. With the rain! So, I dashed outside, camera in hand, and saw one of the most amazing rainbows I've ever seen.

See, looky!



Preeeeeeetty.

swimming with the fishes

Well, the duck actually. About an hour ago, I had the bright idea to go for a late-night swim. So, I took the duck outside with me 'cause otherwise, he'd panic. Then, I thought, "Well, why not let the duck enjoy himself as well?"

Oh my gosh, it was so much fun! Just like when he follows me around the yard, he followed me around the pool too. And let me tell you, he did NOT like it when I went underwater.

I think Trouble and I are going to have to do more swimming in the future. =D

could complain but who's listening?

So the last couple of days have been pretty crappy. It doesn't really matter why; shit happens. But today was a pretty kick ass day, so I'm happy.

Woke up and did the usual morning stuff. Feed the animals, take the duck outside, clean the rabbit's litter box, et cetera, et cetera. Then the Comcast guy came and we now have cable and internet that hopefully doesn't have a hissy fit every time the wind blows a little harder than normal. A few people came over to swim, whatever. There's always people here.

However, among those people was my cousin Kevin, who's been in a drug rehab facility for a couple of weeks, and it was really great to talk to him again. He's had some problems since his dad died, but he's a good dude. We spent the afternoon in the pool just talking. It was nice.

Then, Ralph and Devin came over later on and we went to the club. (Cultural German Society--a racist club in a heavily black neighborhood. Tons o' fun.) There, we ran into my buddy Eric and his girlfriend Misty. Both really awesome people. So, we hung out at the club for a few hours--I would love to walk around inside Eric's head for an hour or so. I can't imagine anything more entertaining, honestly. We had an entire conversation about the pulley system that makes blinds turn to block out the sun.

Plus, I found out that Eric's in a band, so I'm gonna go see them in Ohio this Saturday, hopefully.

And not only that, but the Pens won, so I'll be back at the club Friday night to watch the next game.

Oh oh oh! And I just got new music from Leigh, and I freaking love it!

Good day, good day... =D

tattoo pics be forthcoming

Finally.





I only took two, but then, how many angles can you really shoot my back from? I loves my tattoo though. ^^

some bad news and a shameless plug

My tattoo's itchy. Very, very itchy. And it's probably a really good thing that I can't reach it to scratch the damn thing, or I'd probably damage it. Me and itchy just don't go well together. I'd rather have an ouchie than an itchy.

I was going to take a few pictures of it and post them, but my batteries went dead before the ten seconds on the timed picture-taker thingy were up. One of these days though...

Anyways, that's not the bad news. The bad news is that one of my two newly acquired ducks is dead. Something attacked it a little over a week ago, I don't know what, and the poor little ducky couldn't stand up without falling over and absolutely refused to stay still when I placed it in a comfortable position rather than on its back kicking it's legs pitifully. It held on for a few days after I made a sling to help it stand, but it died Wednesday night.

If that's not sad enough, the remaining duck is losing his mind with loneliness. I started bringing them in at night, since the other one got attacked, and now it's to the point where if I'm not around -- inside or outside -- the duck screams his little head off. On top of that, he has a cold, and his near constant anxiety probably isn't helping his fever.

So he follows me around everywhere, cries when I'm not around, and poops so much that I have to clean his nighttime bin every morning. I've named him Trouble.

On to my shameless plug, a friend of mine has gotten together a small band, and they recorded a song called 'Fireman'. I really like it, and I'm not just saying that because I know the guy. I just love acoustic stuff like this. Check it out:

Fireman.

(Note: Not that any of you care, but the aforementioned friend is the one playing the guitar, the harmonica, and singing.)

birthdays are for embarrassing your friends

But it's all in good fun. Heh.

So my birthday was yesterday. Probably the best birthday I've had since I was a little kid.

Jonie was off Monday night, so I decided we could go out then even though I had to go to work on Tuesday (my actual birthday). We went to the only bar that I really enjoy going to because it's usually not very crowded, and Kathy, the lady that owns it, is a really cool lady. So me, Jonie, Devin, Ralph, and Trish went to the Burgh Bar in West Pittsburgh. I didn't want to get drunk--all I wanted to do was have a few beers, get a nice buzz going, and have a good time.

And I did that. However, at midnight, Ralph stood up and shouted, "It's twelve o'clock! It's officially her birthday now!"

And then the shots started coming. Have I mentioned that I've never drunk tequila before? Well, some ten shots later, I was seeing triple of everything. I also decided that that would be an excellent time to play pool. Needless to say, I lost, but the fact that I managed to sink some of the balls is a huge accomplishment, in my opinion.

We went home at two and I tried to sober up to no avail, so I went to bed at three. I did have the presence of mind to feed my rabbit before I went to bed though. Even if it was six hours late.

I went to work the next day hungover and miserable. On top of that, yesterday was by far the worst day I've ever had at work, and not just because of the hangover.

Number one, my boss was in a pissy mood because we screwed something up while he was on vacation. So me and Dan got bitched at. Numerous times. Just me and Dan, too, and we're not the only ones that screwed up. Hell, I'm the one that found out what we'd done and therefore prevented more mistakes. Didn't matter to Mike though. Bitch bitch bitch.

Number two, a local school had their carnival yesterday, wherein the kids could win a coupon for a free gold fish at Critter Corner. So ninety some kids came to the store to get fish. I can't stand it when there are large groups of little kids in the pet store. They all wanted to hold everything in the store, so when I wasn't getting goldfish, I was chasing down hamsters, mice, and guinea pigs that they held and subsequently let go of.

But, after the eight hours from hell were over with, me, Ralph, Devin, and Trish went to The Lube for wing night. Once again, Ralph embarrassed me by telling someone it was my birthday, so a chorus of waiters and waitresses sang to me. Then, after we finished and paid our bill, Ralph (unbeknownst to me) left a note on his receipt for our waiter. I still don't know what it said, but while we were standing outside for the smokers to have their after-meal cigarettes, our waiter came out and handed me a piece of paper with his phone number on it.

Up to that point, I'd been full-sure he was gay, so that was a surprise in more ways than one.

So, fun as it was, the birthday and the embarrassment are over. Now there's something worth celebrating!

Peace out, homies.