old schooled

As you all know, I've been learning to shoot pool for the last couple months, and yesterday after work, I talked Ralph into going down to the bar and playing a few games.

Now, what you need to know is that I'm not good at pool. I don't suck; I've passed that point, but I'm not exactly to 'good' just yet. Average, I guess, is a good word for where I'm at.

So we were at the bar, about halfway through our second game, when a coalition of older men walked through the door. These guys were all dressed to the nines, looking shockingly bad-ass, and they came striding through that door like the astronauts walking down the tunnel in Armageddon.

Truth to tell, it was a little intimidating.

But Ralph and I got back to our game, while each of the older men came back and wrote their names on the board to play. By an amazing stroke of luck, I won the game.

The first older gentleman racked the balls and I broke. As per my usual break, I moved 'em all around but didn't sink a one. So I stepped back to let the guy take his shot.

Now, mind you, when I say these gentlemen were 'old', I mean that the youngest of the bunch had to be around 80.

So this guy leaned way over the table to line up a shot and then thought better of it. It took him several attempts and many, many seconds to successfully get up from his leaning-over-the-table position.

He was that old.

But he lined up another shot and sank it without a problem. Not five minutes later, the game was over, and I'd lost without even getting a second attempt.

I got schooled by the little old man who couldn't even get up from a leaning over position. He literally ran the table on me while I did nothing but stand there and gawk at the shots he made. It was unbelievable.

Ralph and I hung around to watch them play, and every single one of them was as good as the guy I played. The best part about the whole thing was, even when we put our names up to get our asses handed to us again and again, it was a mostly good-natured ass-whooping.

The most heated the atmosphere got the entire night was just after Ralph lost his first game. He mumbled, "It's like a fucking retirement home in here all of a sudden."

The guy that beat me the first time heard this and said, "I'd kick your ass for that remark, but I'd probably break a hip."

I don't think I've ever had so much fun losing so miserably.