Told you I'd get bored

Yeah. So I don't really feel like posting much about Denmark anymore. In a short summary of events: the quasi-mother-in-law is afraid of toads, quick to complain and get angry, really anal about seemingly unimportant things, and really generous and welcoming. All of this at the same time. Go figure.

I really like Hans's brother Geir and his wife, Jane. Each of them have been to more places in the U.S. and Canada than I have (as well as 60-some countries beyond that). They invited us to dinner and cooked American food--burgers and fries. I don't mean the typical crap that you can get at the store. This was good. Very, very good.

Uh, Hans's sister is a nice lady. She gave me two pairs of shoes. She has some 30 more pairs, so it's not such a loss. Still, the two given to me are good shoes. It makes me happy.

Denmark itself is flat and farmy, much like central Ohio. (A friend of mine said on this: "Oh, you mean like if your dog runs away, you can still see him for three days?") Pretty much, yeah.

Also, Denmark's got lots of windmills and stuff. And lots of toads, lizards, and snails. Big snails. Monstrous snails. I have pictures here, but I don't feel like posting 'em yet. Too bad.

Cheers.

Planes, Boats, Trains, and Automobiles

So the plan as of right now is to make more than one post about the Denmark trip. Otherwise, It'll be one really, really, really long post which most everyone will get bored of reading mid-way. Of course, there's no guarantee that I won't get bored mid-post or after just one post on the subject, but we'll see.

To begin, Hans and I forced ourselves out of our warm, comfy bed at ten o’clock or so on Thursday, which allowed us nearly two hours to prepare ourselves and make it to the bus station on time. Naturally, we still had to run out of the door at the last minute and practically sprint — baggage in tow — to catch the bus. From there it was a delightfully boring three hour trip to Oslo where we then got on a train to take us the rest of the way to Skien. The aforementioned train was having problems (all the trains were) so the three hour trip to Skien ended up being four hours. Not the most fun train ride of my life.

Two days later, we (Hans, quasi-mother-in-law, and myself) left Skien and bussed to Larvik where our boat was leaving from. The arrival of said boat was also delayed, so we had to wait an hour and a half before we could board.

However, the boating part was freakin awesome! Hans and I spent most of our time out on the deck just staring at the endless ocean in every direction and enjoying the smell of the sea. So wonderful. I didn't take any pictures though, because photos of the open ocean never really do it any justice.

When we docked in Hirtshals some five hours later, we got a phone call from Hans's brother Geir. Apparently he was stuck in traffic and we would have to sit tight. So tightly we sat. For two hours. I was cold. Summer ends early in Denmark. Still, when Geir finally arrived he explained that it had taken him two hours to move two kilometers on the highway. Must have been fun. After that, the five of us (including Geir's three-year-old daughter Mathilde) piled into the car. Most of the backseat was taken up by Mathilde's car seat, so the quasi-mother-in-law pretty much sat on my lap for 90 minutes until we finally arrived in Randers.

Now, skipping forward in time roughly two weeks, the trip home was ghastly. So, so ghastly. Geir booked our tickets for us online. We were to take another boat from Hirtshals at 12:15 and we would arrive in Larvik at about 6 in the evening. Everything's okay so far.

We got in Geir's car at 8:30 in the morning and drove to the train station. Three trains later, we were in Hirtshals where we exchanged our online printout for our boarding passes.

Please note, not a word was said to us except "Here you go and enjoy your trip" when we were given said boarding passes.

About a half hour later, they called for boarding. That's when we noticed that everyone was heading towards the sign that said Kristiansand. In other words, not Larvik. Intrigued by this strange occurrence, Hans went to look for another place they might be boarding and I went to talk to the Man at the Desk.

"I'm going to Larvik. Where do I go?"

Blank look from the Man at the Desk. I feel compelled to continue.

"I see they're boarding for Kristiansand here. Is there some place else where the boat to Larvik boards?"

The Man at the Desk blinks twice and then comes to life. Somebody must have walked by and pushed his ON button while I wasn't looking.

"Um, there are no boats from here to Larvik for the next three weeks. Only Kristiansand."

I look down at my boarding pass, which had only been handed to me thirty minutes prior by the Woman Next to the Man at the Desk. It clearly states Hirtshals - Larvik.

"Excuse me? I was just given this ticket right here to go to Larvik."

I hand him the ticket, thinking that surely my eyesight is not as bad as all that. He stares at it blankly for some time and I begin to wonder if someone has accidentally bumped his OFF button while I was reading the ticket. But then he blinks again and hands me the ticket back.

"All we have are boats to Kristiansand."

Hans had joined me at the desk in time to hear that last sentence from the Man at the Desk and begins to make clear his discontent, but eventually we rebook to go to Kristiansand, which is a considerable distance away from where we wanted to be. Larvik is near Skien where Britt lives. Kristiansand is far, far away. However, t'is better to be stranded in Norway than Denmark. At least one of us is a Norwegian citizen.

What we didn't count on was that this boat to Kristiansand was no ordinary vessel. This, ladies and gentleman, was a speed boat. It takes the six-hour trip and whittles it down into a three hour trip.

Impressed? Just wait.

Hans and I got on the boat and after packing away our luggage in a storage box, we went to find our seats. What we couldn't figure out was why we had seats in the first place. The other boat we took didn't have seats. Then the boat started picking up speed and we found out. And when we decided to go buy stuff at the Duty Free shop, the lesson really sunk in.

I now fully understand the purpose of "sea legs" and why it's ideal for sailor to have a pair of those.

We were bobbing up and down and sliding back and forth. It felt like being drunk. Worse than that, even. Every time you'd try to take a step, the floor would be in a different position than where you left it. In the crowded Duty Free shop, passengers were trying--unsuccessfully--to fill their baskets without falling over or crashing into each other. Items were falling off the shelves, children were crying--it was both unsettling and exhilarating at the same time. Well, for me at least.

Upon returning to our seats, Hans was stricken with sea-sickness. Though I wanted to go explore, I sat with him anyways. The poor guy was so miserable--paler than I've ever seen him and drenched in a cold sweat. But at least he was well enough to be able to run to the bathroom to puke when he needed. Others seated around us were not so well-out and instead made good use of the paper puke bags that were distributed. The ship would bounce over a particularly rough patch and the retching sounds would commence around the room.

Two miserable hours later, we docked in Kristiansand. The fun was not yet over, however. The dock was right near the bus station, but we decided that trains are nicer and we wanted to take a train to Skien. So, we trudged the 300 meters or so the train station with all of our luggage. Unfortunately, the only train to Skien goes completely out of the way north to Oslo before cutting back south to Skien and would take seven hours. No good.

We trudged back to the bus station and I stood outside with the luggage while Hans went inside. About five minutes later, Hans came back out and pointed to the bus just pulling out onto the road.

"So uh, that's the last bus to Skien for the day."

Back to the train station we went! But now after our delay there were only two seats left on this seven hour train to Skien. They weren't together. One of them was in the animal car. No thanks.

So after some intense phone calls to Geir, Britt, and the quasi-mother-in-law we were able to get to Skien due to some pretty clever busing techniques and a taxi. We got to Britt's house near 11 at night, after nearly fifteen hours of traveling.

The original plan was to go home the next day, but after all that went wrong, we decided to stay an extra day in Skien. Tuesday we took the dog and trained to Oslo (where they're still having problems with the trains) and then bussed home to Dokka.

I am so glad that's over.

Coming soon...

So I'm back. I don't feel like typing much more than that now. Just check my comment to the previous post. (I had a feeling that if I didn't show at least some sign of life no one would.)

Headed for the Mainland

Tickets have been bought; I'm going to Denmark on Saturday. But for the actual traveling part--you know, a ship across the sea--and the ability to say "I've been in Denmark", I don't really want to go. The quasi-mother-in-law's conversations with me are awkward and I'm not too sure what there is to do there.

The timing isn't great either. There's a hell of a heat wave passing through Norway and I have a feeling it's equally if not more hot down in Denmark. Plus, Hans insists that we release his Yahtzee game today, which is a bit rushed. He's depending on some guy to finish translating the German for him, which may or may not happen, and the French that I translated badly need someone who actually does speak French to go over it and fix my mistakes.

And frankly, I'd feel a lot better if I could get this damn book of mine finished before I disappear and not do any work on it for a week or two. I didn't work on it at all while the quasi-mother-in-law was here and then for a week and a half after she left. I feel like I've been stuck writing the same part forever. I just want to get the bloody thing done so I can worry about editing and stuff. I like that part the best anyways.

Because of all that, I'm taking the lappy with me to Denmark, but I won't have internet and I probably won't get to do any work anyways, if I know Hans well enough. On a brighter note, I downloaded Family Guy Season 3 a couple days ago so at least I've got entertainment to waste my time with.

So yeah, leaving tomorrow for Skien and then to Denmark on Saturday. Won't be back for 1-2 weeks. My heartfelt cheerio until then.

Filthy theif, those are not thy swarthy teeth!

Recently Hans has developed a keen interest in studying and learning Old Norse, which therefore includes Old English/Anglo-Saxon. The problem with that is that Old Norse, like modern day English, makes thorough use of the "th" phoneme. Hans unfortunately can't pronounce this sound (and being in his late 30s, it may be too late for him to learn it).

I simply cannot teach him this. I spent several hours last night trying, which only led to him substituting the "s" and "f" sounds for it, or inadvertently spitting on me when he tried to make use of his tongue in the pronunciation. The best (and only) way I can describe the production of this sound is to say: Put the tip of your tongue between your teeth and blow a thin stream of air out through the top of your mouth. Hans tried and I got spat on.

Second attempt: I've heard some Norwegians with lisps (pronouncing their "s" sounds like "th" so I told him to speak Norwegian and imitate someone with a lisp. He pronounced perfect "s" sounds the whole way through, but at least there was no spittle flying at me.

Third attempt: I'm a horrible teacher and I realize this, so I got online and looked it up. I was hoping to get some kind of description but all I got was a bunch of Greek letter thetas, as if that would explain everything. There was even some audio clips which sounded like someone was blowing into a microphone. Grumble, grumble.

In a last ditch effort I bellowed, "Hans, dammit! Your ancestors were vikings who prayed to the mighty thunder god Thor. This sound is in your blood, for the love of Pete!"

Hans dismally replied, "Do you think my blood remembers things from a thousand years ago?"

Arg! Foiled again!

Finally...

Note: I don't think this contains spoilers and most everyone has already seen HP 5 anyways. But for the sake of not getting bitched at just in case, this post is about Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix.

Well, HP 5 finally arrived here in Dokka and it was not dubbed, thankfully. This is the very first Harry Potter movie that I've not gone to see with Jonie, which is a bit disheartening. More disheartening was the fact that Hans and I comprised two of the total of five adults in the theater. Actually, I wonder how much the kids understood of the movie. Most of them couldn't have been older than eight years old or so, and really, how well can you read at that age? The fact that many of them were running around and didn't seem to be paying much attention only made me wonder more.

I wasn't really impressed with the movie theater in Dokka. Very tiny. Even our theater in New Castle was better. Plus, the reel shifts weren't done entirely neatly, sometimes coming a little too quickly and then moreover, the picture was blurry for a few minutes before they fixed it. First time it happened, I thought my eyes were going berserk so I repeatedly held my hand in front of my face to see if I could focus on it.

Plus the fact that our home cinema is better than the one we went to (but we can't very well show Harry Potter when it's just been released). Guess I'll just have to wait to really enjoy it when we get it on DVD. Hans says that the sound in the Dokka cinema was crap too. He says it was too sharp and hurt his ears. I don't notice stuff like that but I'll take his word for it. So that's why we never go to the movie except in the most extreme of circumstances (like HP.)

Anyways, the movie was pretty good. As Mike said, it wasn't the book, but then again, none of the movies are. Good casting (wanted to rip Umbridge's face off throughout the entire movie), good interpretation of the book (I liked how the good wizards looked tired and ragged while the bad wizards seemed more vigorous), and an awesome showdown at the end. Absolutely awesome. I'll say no more.

I really want my books to get here soon...